Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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