I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my shit smells like andre
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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