she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
