im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
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Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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