I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
