No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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