I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
