Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
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Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
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I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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