i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
