Moan for me like Helen Keller
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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