He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
