It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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