separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
