They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
a search helicopter?!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
