I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
