Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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