This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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