How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
