i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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