I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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