I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
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I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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