Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
