Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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