i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
