I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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