Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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