thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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