hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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