remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
