There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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