If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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