You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize