You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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