she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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