that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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