how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
