i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
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we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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