I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
