Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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