he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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