booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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