what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
