shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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