How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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