Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
