He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You left your phone here
Wait...
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