It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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