The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
