I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Is it because I queefed?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
