I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize