Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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