You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
