she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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