This is not my ceiling
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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