Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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