You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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