In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
