dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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