i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
