I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Little spoons don't ask big questions
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
