Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
