she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
