When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
