wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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