wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
