I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
