ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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