true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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