are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
