she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize