I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize