I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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