He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
