I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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