Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you would pick up someone in the library
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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