We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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