I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
