Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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