Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
