my vag is so smooth its legendary
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
