people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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