umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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